Love yourself best
Even though Valentine’s Day has passed, start by challenging yourself to figure out what you can do every day to practice self-love in your routine.
— James Gordon
With the recent celebration of Valentine’s Day, I find myself pondering the holiday and why such an occasion can feel out of date in today’s world. In “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, Joel (Jim Carrey) makes the claim that “Valentine’s Day is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap”. This perspective rings true to those who keep a close eye on current events, especially when you consider the fundamentals of capitalism that surround the holiday which includes single-use gifts and extravagant meals, all of which pressure us to spend during a time when a large portion of the population live on the verge of financial danger and the pollution of the planet rages on. With all of these considerations it is easy to feel burdened by the weight of the world and wonder if it is even worth celebrating love at a time when everything seems to be going wrong.
In the wake of these concerns, the best step forward is to look internally and practice love towards yourself. We are bombarded daily with calls to action for the newest global catastrophe or from news that another part of our daily lives creates unsustainable waste that we now have to cut out of our lives. In his Collected Works vol. 1, Jung stated, “Where love stops power begins, and violence and terror”, while many will look at this quote and attribute it to our world as a whole, it is essential that we use this quote when we look at how we perceive ourselves. It is easy to blame ourselves for not shifting our lives to make the most ethical choices, but if we go down this path of self disregard that can quickly become pessimistic allowing the love to stop and for the terror of not doing enough to take over.
In order to combat this deadly cycle of pessimism it is essential that we all work to find love in ourselves through a daily practice of self-love. Self-love not only benefits ourselves, but in every relationship whether it is romantic or platonic. If we think of ourselves through the metaphor of a plant, our brain is represented by the roots. If we do not take care of the roots, all the relationships that stem from ourselves are affected by those roots, so by taking care of our own self-image in the roots, we send that healthy growth from the roots to the stems and leaves leading to greater health in all aspects of our lives. So if self-love is so important, what can we do to improve our own self-love?
In his book Becoming a Love Warrior, Dr. Bud Harris outlines seven principles to practice self-love every day. In the third principle, Harris tells us the importance of challenging our boundaries whether these are self-imposed, or created by how we are viewed by others. The simple act of writing in a journal can help us to identify our own internal voices and block out the ones that are impeding your personal success. The journal also provides a record of our journey to find self-love, allowing us to look back and view the progress we have made along the way. In addition, putting our own insecurities to paper can help us to confront the thoughts that we keep hidden away that can over time poison our own self image. In order to heal from the poisoning of our own self image we must learn to find self-love through self forgiveness.
Harris’ sixth principle is on the idea of self-forgiveness and is one of the most difficult and most impactful of all the principles he lists. There is a popular phrase that states “everyone is a critic” and more often than not we are our own worst critics. As mentioned earlier it is easy to beat yourself down for being unable to keep up with a world that is overflowing with catastrophe and learning how to love yourself and your own imperfections is critical to overcoming this. The first step is accepting that as an individual, you will never be able to do everything perfectly. Instead, you must shift your mindset towards recognizing the good that you already do and praising yourself for that instead of berating yourself for the things you cannot.
After discussing the importance of self-forgiveness the idea of being tough on ourselves seems to be counterproductive, however, being tough is not about berating ourselves for imperfections, but rather a way to hold ourselves accountable for self improvement. Even if we have learned to forgive ourselves for our imperfections, it is still important to commit to self-improvement in order to break toxic habits that negatively affect our ability to self-love. The key is to not look upon being tough on ourselves as something negative, but rather a point to be energetic about. Holding ourselves to higher standards and realizing that you are worth more than you currently value yourself at is at the core of being “tough on ourselves” and can be achieved by how we frame this self improvement. Once you have begun to love yourself, you can begin to improve upon that self-love and upon yourself as a whole.
This shift in mindset can help you find a new love or passion in your life, whether it is a hobby that you have always cautiously pursued or a desperately needed career change that has been delayed by a lack of confidence, or even in finding romantic love. Even though Valentine’s Day has passed, start by challenging yourself to figure out what you can do every day to practice self-love in your routine. I challenge everyone to find some time to engage in creativity and finding self-love in something that you make with your own imagination in order to find some joy, no matter what news may come our way.
Frager, R. (Ed.). (1994). Who am I?: Personality types for self-discovery. Aquarian.
Harms, V. (1999). The inner lover: Using passion as a way to self-empowerment. Aslan Pub.
Harris, B. (2022). Becoming a love warrior: Nine jungian lessons in love and power. Daphne Publications.
Jung, C. G. (1957). Psychiatric studies. Princeton Univ. Press.
